is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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