Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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