under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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