i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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