dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
