i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Vodka?
Forever.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
