I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize