Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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