I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
