Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
