But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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