I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
