mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
