nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
