Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
