ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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