eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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