well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
