My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
is wine microwaveable?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
