I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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