I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
