I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
