whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
