bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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