Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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