you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
