she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
