hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my being single is dangerous.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize