There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
