Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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