there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
