I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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