i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
