but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
