Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
