how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
