I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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