Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize