mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
this beer tastes like vomit already
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
