We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
