I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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