Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
