Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize