Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
