If that was your dad, he is hot
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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