New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
