It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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