i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize