Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
