At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
