You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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