does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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