The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize