I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
