that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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