morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
