if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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