He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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