I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
