Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize