I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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