i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
