I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
