Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
