I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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