I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
dude. I can hear the air.
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