So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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