i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
