the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
