The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
