how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
