Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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