so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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