Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
