Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I have so many feelings about this burrito
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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