if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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