i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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