She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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