Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
