sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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