found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
