If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
