that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
