A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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