I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
