I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
