Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
