there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
