Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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