I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she looked like the before picture.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
