3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
