Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
