I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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