Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
