Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
