My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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