morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize