I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
